Random Humor
This random humor page is dedicated to those
things that I find humorous.
By Dingy Davits, humorist  
South Texas Sailing
Dec. 30, 2010 My Ability To Forecast The
Weather Is 20/20.
I have the perfect ability
available for sailing, the weather will be cold
and the wind will be either too much or too
little. A day that I have to work or go to a
funeral will be perfect; mild wind and warm
temperature.

Dec. 29, 2010 So That Is Where That
Expression Might Have Originated
As I
have learned more about sailing and
sailboats, I've come across expressions and
vocabulary that make me think sailing and
sailboats are the origin of the expression.
Such as, "That young man will come to a
bitter end." The loose end of a rope is called
the bitter end. "He's three sheets to the
wind." A sheet is a rope that controls a sail.
A boat whose 3 sheets, the main sheet and
both jib sheets, are completely lose, is totally
out of control.

Dec. 27, 2010 Yes, Of Course
Hypothermia and Cold Water Immersion
Is Still Available. Would You Like Me To
Gift Wrap It For You?  
Posting on Craig's
List is so much fun. I got this response from
"Richard" after posting an informational
article.  "Hello my name is Richard, you still
have the Hypothermia and cold water
immersion (Canyon Lake) ?
Sincerely, 8:02:42 AM, 12/27/2010"  
For
Richard, I'll even send gold lettered
instructions on how to jump into freezing
water.



Nov. 26, 2010 The Golden Rule - Those
That Have The Gold Make The Rule
On Wednesday, I paid for a weekend at
Jellystone Park for my daughter's birthday
party in the spring. I handed the cashier
what I thought was my credit card. When she
handed it back, I realized I'd given her my
ATM card. Oops. She very nicely did a
refund on the cash card. It only took 2
minutes to refund the original transaction.
When I got home, i checked my bank
account online; the debit was recorded, but
the credit was not. I checked the next day
and found the same report. I checked today;
same report. I've just returned from the
bank. The teller said the refund would be
back in my account in 5 to 7 business days.
So now the bank will make a week's interest
off my money.
Two minutes to spend it,
One Week To Get It Back. Very
INTERESTing.

November  24, 2010 How Many Canyon
Lakes Are There In Comal County?
My
daughter and I had hoped to go sailing
today, but we chickened out. We went first to
the north shore near Randolph AFB marina.
The wind was howling through the rigging of
the boats in the marina. There were
sustained rolling whitecaps three and four
feet long washing over the break-water.
There were even whitecaps inside the
break-water. We left and went to the Canyon
Lake Marina nearby. The wind was nearly
calm; the water was calm. Several hundred
yards out in the cove we could see some
whitecaps, but they were nothing like what
we'd seen earlier.
If I had not sailed from
one marina to the other, I would have
thought there were two different lakes.

November 22, 2010 Today Is Designated
As A Staff Development Day, So How
Come I Can't Do It Today?
 The school
district for whom I work has designated
today and tomorrow as staff development
days of the teachers' choice. That means
these are paid contract days for which the
teachers are responsible to obtain their
choice of staff development. The district
provides online classes that the teachers
may do to satisfy this requirement. This
morning, I attempted to log in the one of
these courses. I was reminded that I would
not be able to complete the course until
4:15. Why? Because prior to that time is
considered a contract day, and teachers are
not allowed to complete "Teacher Choice"
staff development on contract days. And
what are these two days reserved for?...
You guessed it, staff development.
The
bureaucracy must be fed!

November 15, 2010 How Did You Know I
Was Texting In Class?
I was walking
through my class room today, when I noticed
a student bent over double with both hands
in her purse. As I approached, I could see
the bright glow of her cell phone in the
darkened purse as she texted. She
continued to text for several more seconds
before she realized I was there. Had she
been less intent on hiding her use of her cell
phone, I probably would not have noticed. I
often tell the kids,
"I specialize in obvious,
not sneaky."

November 12, 2010 I Had Left Over Cat
Food For Lunch Today
 Yep, that's right.
You see, our cat has not been getting
enough fluids. We were discussing this the
other evening and I suggested that she liked
the water that tuna is packed in. So my wife
bought some cans of tuna. She gave the cat
the water and I got the leftovers in a
sandwich.

November 10, 2010 Kids Want More
Connection, Adults Want Less
 I've
noticed something. If my daughter gets a
text or a call from a number she doesn't
recognise, she'll return the call or text at the
first opportunity. She wants as much contact
with as many people her age as she can
get. On the other hand, if I get a call (I only
get texts from my daughter) I don't
recognise, I'll ignore it. If the caller really
wants me, they'll leave a message and
maybe I'll return the call.

October 25, 2010 Have You Graded My
Stuff Yet?
 Why is it that the student who
hands something in several weeks late is the
one most anxious for the assignment to be
graded and posted to the online grade
book.
Maybe someone is grounded until
her grades come up?

October 24, 2010 Just Returned From
BSA Scout Troop 21/52 & Post 21/52
Reunion
Today's entry is more of reflection
than a note of humor. I got a chance to visit
with old men (my age) that I knew when I was
in Boy Scouts. Then, of course, we were all
age 11 to 21. My gosh, how did those kids I
knew 40 years ago get to be so old?
Sometimes I get down on myself because I
didn't do this or that. Some of my friends are
doctors and attorneys, but most are just
guys with day in and day out jobs like mine.
What I came away with is an appreciation of
good health, a good spouse, and a
wonderful child.

October 14, 2010 I B Glad I Got Myself A
Goood Edukashun
. I try not to pick on
anyone that could be identified, but the
following Craig's List ad is just too rich to
pass on.
14' boat tralerflat or v boat - $325 (410west)
Date: 2010-10-14, 9:51AM CDT
Reply to: sale-3mv4d-xxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
good tiers repack bairns galvanism trailer tilts
ready for rod 210 xxx 6377

I'm glad "tilts" is spelled correctly. It could
have been misleading had the 'l' been left
out.


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