Random Humor
This random humor page is dedicated to those
things that I find humorous.
By Dingy Davits, humorist  
South Texas Sailing
July 29, 2010 Inappropriate Initiative  In
the school where I currently teach, I have
never been called on the carpet of the
principal's office.  I'll be starting my fifth year
in August. In the school where I taught
before, under one particular principal, my
record was 3 weeks between carpet
callings.  I remember one specific instance
that seemed to sum up my problems. At the
time our much beloved principal was
reassigned and we received our new
campus principal, I was the designated 7th
grade building leader.  My job included
being a representative from the 7th grade
teachers to the administration. At Christmas,
our 7th grade assistant principal retired. A
replacement was hired. The 7th grade
teachers were naturally concerned about
how discipline would be handled, so I set up
a meeting after school between the new 7th
grade assistant principal and the teachers.  I
was called in on the carpet by the principal.
She said, "That should have been an
administrative initiative." It was all I could do
not to respond sarcastically,
"Yes, I agree. It
should have been an administrative
initiative."
 Even though I bit my tongue, for
the next four years, she and I did not get
along too well.

July 28, 2010  The Bureaucracy Must Be
Fed
I teach Computer Science for one of
the big districts in San Antonio. I met last
week with the lead Computer Science
Teacher. She went over the
New And
Improved
Computer Science curriculum with
me. We will spend 22 school weeks working
with
Scratch, a programming language
developed by MIT. The District paid her for
two weeks to put together 4 binders of
comprehensive materials. She wrote to
multiple sources, getting materials and
permission to use materials. She truly put in
an Olympian effort. In order to have Scratch
installed on the computers in my lab, I have
to have a Software number reference in my
work order. I looked up the reference
number and found. . . Scratch "is not
approved for use in the district".
To survive
in the bureaucracy, it helps to know
when it is an administrative problem.

July 25, 2010 Have You Ever Seen An
RV Race
 I was thinking the other day about
how similar larger sail boats are to RVs.
They both have kitchens, bathrooms with
potty and shower, and sleeping areas.
So if
sailors race their sailboats, do RVers race
their RVs?

July 22, 2010 I Can't Believe You Said
That.
  I recently wrote to a state agency. I
received a prompt reply. In the reply was this
statement, "We appreciate you taking the
time to write and
hopefully we can have this
problem resolved as soon as possible.
"
Hmm...

July 20, 2010 Clearly An "ID 10 T" Error
 
My Pre-Freshmen Engineering Program
students were going over the Final Exam
Review Sheet today. Several of them have
misplaced the review sheet I gave them
yesterday. I told them to give me their email
addresses and I would email them a
replacement copy they could print on their
computer. I reminded them to print their
email address legibly.  One student's email
server kept bouncing the email back to me. I
let the program assistant know about the
bounce. She told me the student had left out
part of his email address because it was
profane.
Adolescents have such an
interesting sense of logic.

July 19, 2010 My Daughter Says I Am
Now A True Sailor
Saturday, my daughter
and I went to the lake to try out our new
boat. While launching and retrieving our
boat, my knees seemed to locate the trailer
at every turn.  By the end of the afternoon,
my leg was bleeding in several places. So
my daughter says I am now a true sailor
because the best sailor at our club always
seems to be covered in bruises and cuts.  

July 16, 2010 Is It A Utility Trailer That
Carries a Boat or Is It a Boat Trailer That
Can Carry Other Things
I bought a small
utility trailer the other day off
CraigsList.org.
I'm going to put a small boat on it. The seller
said the trailer was once a Sunfish trailer.
When I went to the tax office to register it,
the clerk wanted to know whether it was boat
trailer or a utility trailer. I told her, "boat
trailer." "Are you sure?" "Yes, it is a boat
trailer." After the transaction was completed
and I received a license plate (all I really
wanted), I asked her if there was a
difference in cost for registration between a
utility trailer and a boat trailer. She didn't
know. My question is,
"If you clearly have a
boat trailer and you haul lumber on it one
day, does that make it a utility trailer?"
 

July 12, 2010 The Directions Are Inside  I
bought a folding rolling cart at Office Depot
Saturday. It's the one that looks like a milk
crate on wheels.  The picture showed it had
a bottom, but at first glance I couldn't locate
the bottom piece. Also, there were no
apparent instructions.  I finally found the
bottom; it was nested inside the front and
folds down.  When I folded it down, I also
found the instructions; they were inserted
between the folded bottom and the front of
the cart.

July 11, 2010 The Best Way to Test The
Engineering of Expensive Furniture Is
To Let The Kids Have It.
Recently, the
University of Texas at San Antonio re-did a
lecture hall in the science building. They
replaced the comfortable chairs and rotating
writing shelves with impossibly hard,
uncomfortable folding seats and table tops
and electrical outlets spaced along them.
The end result is students are literally
shoulder to shoulder and there is no room
for someone to pass while students are
seated. To add insult to injury, the new table
tops have an engineering flaw that cause
them to give way when pressure is applied
to them by leaning, sitting on them, or  
climbing over them to get out of a row.


July 10, 2010 This Mother Is Teaching
Her Son Right! Right?
Colton Harris-
Moore, age 19, known as the "Barefoot
Bandit", has become a U.S. folk hero for his
theft of planes (never taken flying lessons)
and burglaries. When his mother was told he
stole a single engine plane and flew to the
Bahamas, she was very upset. "When I
heard that, that just upset me.
The rules
are he carries a parachute with him and
he takes two-engine planes.
Tell him he
needs to call me." Source:
San Antonio
Express News
, page 6A, 'Barefoot Bandit'
dodges search, July 8, 2010

July 9, 2010 What Trips You Up?  The
honors middle school students at UTSA's
Pre-freshman Engineering Program have
been learning problem solving. Square roots
seem to trip them up.
When walking across
the yard, it's the round roots that trip me.

July 8, 2010 Weather - New Yorkers Are
Sweltering In The Heat
 Pity the poor
residents of New York. The temperature has
been hitting 90 degrees, with humidity!
Gasp! Horror!
New Yorkers call that a heat
wave; South Texans call that a cold front.

July 7, 2010 Dear TPWD, I'm Writing You
To Let You Know I've Grown Tired Of My
Boat And I've Left It In A Field.
 On the
back of the boat registration card TPWD
gives you, there is a list of "Instructions to
Owner." #4 states, "Notify TPWD-Boat Titling
and Registration...when the boat has been
abandoned, ..."
 I wonder how many
people actually do that?

July 6, 2010 So How Early Must I Arrive
To Get a Shady Parking Place?
I'm
working at UTSA this summer teaching
Mathematical Symbolic Logic to honors
middle school and high school students. I
arrive at the campus about 7:30 in the
morning.
So far, the best I've been able to
do is to get a parking place near the
shade.

July 5, 2010 Robbery 101 While surfing the
web and putting off things I should be doing I
came across these suggestions from bing.
com to would be robbers:
  • Do not disguise yourself as a tree.
  • Do not use your own pay stub to write
    a robbery note.
  • Do not share your personal account
    information or ID with the bank teller.
  • Do not log in to your Facebook
    account while at the scene of the
    crime.
Source: http://specials.msn.com/A-List/Dumb-criminal-
moves.aspx?cp-
documentid=20782430&imageindex=2&cp-
searchtext=How%20not%20to%20rob%20a%
20store&FORM=MSNIIT  


July 4, 2010 A Tale Of Two Yacht Clubs
There are two yacht clubs on Canyon Lake.
They are as different as night and day. The
club near the dam is 95% sailing and 5%
social. The club based at the public marina
is 95% social and 5% sailing. Both clubs
have great people and I'm fortunate to
belong to both.

July 3, 2010 So That's Why It's Called a
Boom!
On Friday, I drove through driving
rain to Spicewood to buy a Flying Scot
sailboat. The rain poured all the way from
San Antonio to Spicewood (home of Opie's
Bar-B-Que). Fortunately the rain cleared
enough for us to complete the transaction
and bring the boat back to Canyon Lake.
Before leaving the lake to come home, I just
had to admire the boat once more. As I
walked around the front of the trailer, I
walked right into the mast which was laying
on the centerline of the boat. I walked right
into it with such force it made a loud bang
and raised a knot on my forehead (still
visible on July 5th). Where as technically it
was the mast that came in contact with my
head, it still went boom. In the future I will
give the mast a wide margin.

July 1, 2010 Five Sailboats, Is That Too
Many Boats to Have At One Time?
 We
named the Starwind 19
Knot 4 Sail and I
resolved not to buy any more boats until we
finished redoing our Sweet 16.  At this time
we have 4 sailboats; the Starwind 19, the
Sweet 16 (project boat), the Gulf Coast 14,
and the Sunspot.  You know where this is
going don't you?  Yep, I am driving to Lake
LBJ tomorrow to look at another boat. Am I
going to buy it?  Yep, that's the plan. I've
already got it on my insurance policy and
cash withdrawn from the bank for it.
I guess
it's true, all sailors are thinking about
their next boat.

June 2010 Random Humor page link

May 2010 Random Humor page link

April 2010 Random Humor page link

March 2010 Random Humor page link

February 2010 Random Humor page link

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