Random Humor
This random humor page is dedicated to those
things that I find humorous.
By Dingy Davits, humorist  
South Texas Sailing
Dec. 16, 2012 Is It Destiny To Say .

Nov. 22, 2012
5 Hour Energy Shot - De Caf
Isn't that a
contradiction in terms?

Nov. 19, 2012 Free Boat! - The Real Cost
I was reading a forum thread of the
HunterOwners.com this evening. The thread
was on the true costs of boat ownership and
particularly the cost of obtaining a "Free
Boat" or a "Bargain" Priced boat.  The
consensus of the group was the less cost up
front the greater the cost in the long run. I
don't think I could agree with that, exactly. I
have a 1996 Sunfish for my daughter. She
uses it and races it frequently. It is simple
and inexpensive to maintain. Our greatest
expense so far has been monthly dry
storage fees at the yacht club. The 1987
Flying Scot is the next largest and the next
costly. In all honestly, the costs of the boat
have been my decision; new rachet blocks
to replace the ones that come with it, a main
sail head flotation to ease my mind about
capsizing, and odds and ends for cleaning
the hull. The 1971 Columbia 26, the largest,
the oldests has been the most costly to
maintain; new main halyard to replace the
one I cut when it jammed on a winch, new
hatch cover the replace the one that has
rotted out and leaked, and outboard motor
issues ( I hate motors. I'm so glad my Scot
and Sunfish don't have/need them). I would
be remiss if I didn't mention the cost of
Texas annual registration, insurance on the
Scot and Columbia, and storage & slip
costs. I now clearly understand about the
acronym
B.O.AT. - Bail Out Another
Thousand.
A good descriptive name for a
boat would be "The Money Pit" or "Hole in
My Pocket". Oh, I forgot to mention the 4th
boat, a project boat
I bought cheap 3 or 4
years ago. I've got all the parts to it.
It just
needs "a little TLC and fixing up".

Anybody want a FREE boat?

Nov. 16, 2012 A Taliban Spokesperson
sent out a routine email last week,
publicly CC'ing the names of everyone
on his mailing list.
That one ranks right up
there with the Somali pirates that tried to
highjack a naval frigate.

Nov. 12, 2012 Sailboat Racing - A Full
Contact Sport
I had the honor of serving
on a race committee for the Wurstfest
Regatta last week end at Canyon Lake.
While we were attempting to secure a chase
boat to the stern of the committee boat, one
of the racers flew past our stern so close, he
clipped the rear corner of the power boat.
The brush-by broke a hinge on the boarding
ladder of the power boat and punched a
hole the size of a man's fist in the side of the
sailboat below the water line. We have no
idea what the skipper was trying to do. Our
orange flag was not up, we were not on
station.

Nov. 8, 2012 My Daddy Is Real Mad
Cause My Phone Got Taken up. He's
Mad At YOU!
How strange. Her mom didn't
mention any thing about that when we
emailed each other last evening. I suppose
I'll just have to risk her dad getting mad at
me each time she texts in class.

Nov. 7, 2012 Mr. Davits, You're Not
Going to Start That Again, Are You?
One
of the great pleasures of teaching high
school is the endless supply of amusing
students.. I have one particularly
entertaining student this year, F. S. She's a
real firecracker. My co-teach partner finds
her annoying, but I like her. She can be
counted upon to keep the room lively.
Yesterday, she was texting during the class.
We've had issues of her texting / calling on
her phone in class before. I asked for her
phone. She refused. I reminded her it
needed to be turned in to me so I could turn
it in to the office. A few minutes before the
end of class I reminded her again about the
phone.
F. S.:
"Are you going to give it back at the
end of class?"
No, I'm going to turn it in to the office.
F.S.
"I'm going to give yoiu my phone but I
expect you to give it back at the end of
class."
No. I'm going to turn it in to the office.

Given the last time she used her cell phone
in the classroom, she spent the next day in
In-school suspension. Guess who had her
phone at the end of class?
Adolesent
thought patterns are so amusing.

Oct 28, 2012 Defintion: Energy Efficient
We replaced our dishwasher a couple of
weeks ago. In its prime it really cleaned the
dishes well and completely dried them. By
golly, the dishwasher worked quickly and the
dishes were done and dry in no time.
However, as with many appliances
manufactured in 1987, it has now gone into
retirement. Our new dishwasher is "Energy
Efficient." It takes several hours to clean a
load and even though we choose heat dry,
the dishes are wet when it's done. That is
what is meant by energy efficient. I have
also noticed those new curly bulbs. They're
energy efficient... and they don't put out
enough light to see.
So the next time your
kid forgets to take out the trash or
doesn't do his homework, don't get mad,
he's just being energy efficient.

June 25, 2012 Definition of Torque
Follow this sequence and you will have clear
idea of what torque is. Back out of your slip
with a strong wind across your stern. Power
up the outboard motor more than usual to
overcome the windage of the boat. Realize
you are moving too quickly in reverse across
the fairway. Slam the reverse gear into
forward gear
WITHOUT throttling down. As
the motor shifts from reverse to forward, it
jumps to the right, bending the motor mount
severely.
Oops. That's torque.

June 15, 2012 She Said He Had Just
Enough Knowledge To Be Dangerous

The wife of  fellow yacht club member
emailed me a few days ago seeking to learn
how to sail the boat they had bought last fall.
I met the husband today and looked over his
boat. After spending a few minutes sorting
out the lines and dealing with the outboard
motor that kept quitting, we boldly motored
out of the marina to the lake. We sailed back
and forth across the cove. Something just
didn't seem right. We had a heck of a time
pointing. Try as we did, we were never able
to tack. We frequently had difficulty jibing.
Our conclusion was that the centerboard
was not down sufficiently.  
I guess that
make two of us with just enough
knowledge to be dangerous. When I help
someone with and on their boat,
sometimes what is thought to be the case
is not.

May 30, 2012 Exactly Why I Don't Do That
Recently, while stuck in traffic on Loop 1604,
I saw a car with an obviously embarrassed
driver. To avoid the traffic tie-up, the driver
had driven across the grass to the frontage
road with the intend creating his own exit. He
got his car stuck on the raised pavement of
the frontage road. Picture this:
Car stuck
balanced on edge of pavement. Tow
truck. State Trooper. Oops!

May 29, 2012 What Can I Do To
Graduate?
Well CC, you have four options.
The first option is score an 85 on the
semester exam; that will give you a 70
average for the year.
That's too hard. I
can't do that.
Well, you can do credit
retrieval or summer school.
I'm not going to
do anything that requires me to do
anything during the summer. I've got to
graduate next week.
Your fourth choice is
to graduate under the minimum plan.
Yea,
we signed the paper, but it sucks.
I smile
sweetly and say nothing; the same thing CC
did whenever I gave her encouragement to
her to do her homework and pay attention in
class.
I love this time of the year!

May 25, 2012 How To Screw Up Your
Final Project
For a sure fire way of
committing academic suicide, follow these
steps:
(1) Download a working java program from
the Internet.
(2) Enure that is the downloaded program
uses code that is beyond the scope of the
class.
(3) Play around with the program code until
it doesn't work properly.
(4) Submit it as your own to the teacher and
not have the slightest clue how the program
works or should work.
Result - A zero for the project and a referral
to the office for plagiarism
What an idiot!

May 24, 2012 It May Of Only Been A
Penny, But I Noticed
I went to Walmart
recently. After checking out and leaving the
store, I realized the cashier had shorted my
change by one penny. I got to thinking about
the question of "How much would Walmart
make if they shorted each customer one
penny in change? In the 2010 Walmart
annual Report, on  the Internet, they report
they have 200 million customers per week,
world-wide. Given 52 weeks in the year, that
is 10400000000 transactions per year.
Multiply that by .01,and Walmart potentially
generates an additional
$104,000,000
yearly. It's magic... Just one penny
generates that much $$$.

Jan. 22, 2012 The Monkey Fell Off The
Pole
The Republican Presidential Nominee
is list is getting shorter. See December 15,
2011 for reference to "the monkey."

Jan. 21, 2012 Two Frostbite Regattas,
Two Races Abandoned
I'm into
recreational sailing and sailing instruction to
others. I enjoy a brisk sail on the lake or a
leisurely cruise, but on occasion I get it in my
mind that
I WANT TO RACE! I have now
participated in two Frostbite Regattas at
HCYC. I can also say I have yet to finish a
single Frostbite Regatta. Both times the race
committee has abandoned the regatta due
to wind conditions. One was abandoned due
to winds in the range of 40 to 50 mph and
the more recent one due to winds in the
range of zero to 1 mph.
Oh, well there's
always the next one.

Dec. 23, 2011 My Daughter Is Drawn to
the Left
It may or may not surprise you that
a 15 year old is drawn to the left, but it is
true. I'm not speaking of politics. I'm
speaking of driving. She is learning to drive.
Today, we went to a local stadium parking
lot. Almost every time she turned a corner,
she straightened out on the left side of the
road. I wonder if this is prediction of the
future. If it is, be on the look out for a burnt
orange Mazda SUV.

Dec 22, 2011 More On Our Visit To
Goodwill and Texas Thrift Store
 I grew
up in a home where everything was to be
cared for and used as long as possible.
When it no longer served its intended
purpose, it was re-purposed if possible. My
mom washed zip lock bags and kept them in
one drawer, while washed used aluminum
foil could be found in another. As I wandered
through he store examining various articles
of clothing, I realized all the jeans on sale
were in far better shape than the ones I was
wearing. I suppose that when the jeans have
holes so big that I'm embarrassed or don't
wish to patch them, I'll have to go back to
Goodwill to get some good used jeans.

Dec. 20, 2011 Lady Shopping At Texas
Thrift Store
 My daughter and I were at the
Texas Thrift Store on I-35 this evening. The
lady checking out in front of us had a TV
with built in VHS player. I started a
conversation with her as to whether the TV
worked or not. She said a young man that
worked at the store had thoroughly checked
it out. Our conversation concluded. As my
daughter and I walked out of the store, she
was loading her purchases into a late model
Mercedes Benz.
I guess it pays to shop at
thrift stores.

Dec. 17, 2011 Have You Ever Noticed
Who Has To Pick Up The Pieces, When
Management Screws Up?
That great idea
someone in management had several years
ago has born fruit. Now, the question from
management is how are you, the worker,
going to fix this?

Dec. 16, 2011  Why Bother Hammering
The Boards Back In Place, They're Just
Going To Pull Loose Again.
I just came in
from hammering loose boards on the fence
again. My child says the fence should be
replaced. Yes, probably so. But she wouldn't
be the one to pay for it, so I hammer the
boards again. I am reminded of daily
maintenance Six Flags - Fiesta Texas does.
Every morning, the maintenance man walks
the tracks hammering loose boards on the
Rattler.
I wonder if anyone has ever
suggested they replace the roller coaster
due to loose boards
?

Dec. 15, 2011 The Higher A Monkey
Climbs A Pole, The More You Can See
His Butt.
Said about a Presidential nominee
hopeful.

Dec 3, 2011 Keeping Up With The
Jones? No, It's Keeping Up With The
Rockefellers
 I took my daughter to a
birthday party for her friend yesterday. It's a
sleep-over at a resort near Bastrop. Her
friend's parents rented guest rooms at the
resort so their daughter could invite 6
friends to stay over night (10 guests in all).
While it's true they had activities available of
biking, horse back riding, rafting, camp fire
with s'mores, as far as kids' birthday parties
go,  this is way over the top. They spent
easily over $1000 on this party for their
daughter.  
What ever happened to
backyard birthday parties?

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Copyright 2010-2011 Randle B. Moore
All rights reserved
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Reality of teaching explained below:.
Favorite Quotations:

"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the
world are the ones who do."
- Apple's "Think Different" commercial ,
1997

"The price you pay for a boat is only the downpayment."
Dingy Davits, Dec. 02, 2012

"A boat or children first? Easy choice - Get a boat first! They are
more fun, cost less, and provide a family focus once the kids
arrive."
Dingy Davits, Nov. 19, 2012.

"There are only 10 kinds fo people in the world, those that
understand binary and those that don't."
Anonymous

"A red state that loves Willie Nelson is a state that has
reconsiled its conflicts."
-Garrison Keillor, A Prairie Home
Companion
, Nov. 17, 2012.

"
All great educational reforms can be overcome by teacher
inertia.
" by Randle B. Moore, Professional Educator since 1978.

"
I may be slow, but I'm ahead of you." Favorite bumper sticker.
Prone to start a fight if placed on the back of a sailboat when racing or
loading at the ramp. dingy Davits, 2012

"I used to think I was psychic, then I realized I was just
psychotic."
- Dingy Davits, 2012.

"I had plans to major in Mathematics, but Inequalities dashed
my hopes."
- Dingy Davits, 2012.
"Redneck Pride" - From Youtube.com
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