Random Humor
This random humor page is dedicated to those
things that I find humorous.
By Dingy Davits, humorist  
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South Texas Sailing
Feb. 14, 2010   All Points Bulletin: Be on the
lookout for this tree.
 Considered branched and
dangerous. Clearly the root of all evil. Do not try to
apprehend. May attack if provoked with chainsaw
Apr 25, 2010 They All Left Early Except
Him.
At the Fiesta Flambeau Parade, my
family was seated across Alamo Street from
the official reviewing stand. Directly across
from us was a section populated by high
ranking Air Force, Army, Navy, and other
military officers. Every time a contingent of
military in the parade came by, the officers
would stand and wave or salute. They
certainly showed appropriate respect for the
military units and floats in the parade. Well
into the evening, the last military float came
by. As soon as it passed, that section
emptied out. They all left, except for Rear
Admiral Albert Garcia, his wife and two naval
officers. Those four stayed to the very end
of the parade.
Kudos, for them!

Apr 24, 2010 How’d You Get in Here? My
wife, daughter, and I were guests at the
Battle of Flowers Parade Pre-parade picnic
held on the grounds of the Alamo on Friday.
It was attended by many people dressed in
Fiesta attire. Many of the people there, I
later saw riding on the floats. My wife and I
finished our lunch and were just sort of
sitting there, doing not much of anything,
just waiting for the parade to begin. A
gentleman, dressed for the occasion, to my
left then said, “My name’s Albert. How did
you get in here?” He said it in a very friendly
manner, which I took to mean, we looked out
of place, but not inappropriate.”
It struck me
as being funny that it was so obvious this
was not our normal social crowd.

Apr 23, 2010 Grand Duchess of Silly
Names
Since 1891, the Battle of Flowers
Parade’s purpose has been to honor the
fallen heroes of the Alamo with floral
tributes. It is also an opportunity for the rich
and social community to present its young
ladies. Not all of us identify with The Court of
Dazzling Adornments, so I will make some
suggestions for future names. How about,
Margaret, Duchess of Oh My Aching Wal-
Mart Feet or Maria, Duchess of the O’Cedar
Broom or Christina, Duchess of the Via Bus.

(Written on Apr 25, 2010)

Apr 22, 2010  San Antonio Fiesta Medals
My family participated in Fiesta this
weekend. We only went to three events and
I have three medals. I have the 2010 Battle
of Flowers Parade medallion with beads
because I was seated in the reviewing
section near the parade announcer. I have a
U.S. Navy medal because I was seated next
to a naval officer at lunch. And, I have a U.S.
Air Force medal because an Air Force
officer saw I had the Navy medal. (Written on
Apr 25, 2010)

Apr 21, 2010 How Come None of the
Ladies Shopping There Look Like the
Posters
I went to the mall this evening with
a female friend. She wanted to go to
Victoria's Secret. (
From what I can see,
Victoria has scant secrets.
) She wanted to
try on bathing suits (see
March 14, 2010 &
wench covers, this page) for size, then order
a V. S. swim suit online. As she was trying
on various swim suits, I noticed something;
none of the customers and none of the
employees look like any of the models in the
posters. This prompted a thought.
Where do
the ladies who look like the posters buy their
swim suits? Do they shop on-line?

Apr 20, 2010 It's Not a High School, It's a
Base Camp
 Daily, I receive email lists of
students who will not be in class that day,
the next day, or a day in the near future.
The students have so many field trips, band
contests, AVID field trips, and college visits,
they hardly have time to study. I wonder how
many of my students will be crying foul about
the test on Monday that has been posted for
several months.

Apr 19, I've Been Googled. Yahoo hosts
this website. As a part of their hosting
package I am able monitor the search words
entered to locate this website. Today, I
found that I had been "Googled" by name.
Wow that has never happened to me before.
If you google yourself, they say you are ego
surfing.
Is it still ego surfing if you look to
see if you've been googled?

Apr 18, 2010 Do You Want Some Help
From a Naked Man?
 As I finished my
shower and was toweling off, I could hear my
wife in the adjacent bedroom expressing
frustration as she tried to put a fitted sheet
on the bed. As her frustration (and voice
volume) grew, I stepped into the room with
towel in hand to inquire if she needed
assistance. She graciously allowed me to fit
the sheet upon the bed.

Apr 17, 2010 "Americans are getting
stronger. Twenty years ago, it took two
people to carry ten dollars worth of
groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do
it."
- Henny Youngman

Apr 16, 2010 "Of all the things I've lost, I
miss my mind the most."
- Ozzie
Osbourne, but I have also heard that the
expression originated with Mark Twain.

Apr 15, 2010 "Dancing is a vertical
expression of a horizontal desire"

Robert Lee Frost

Apr 14, 2010 "All great educational
reforms can be overcome by teacher
inertia"
- Randle B. Moore, Professional
educator since 1978.

Apr 13, 2010 I Deal With Obvious Not
Sneaky
If you are going to cheat on a test,
do not hand in your cheat notes with the test
paper.

Apr 12, 2010 Boater Nearly Dies of Thirst
in Party Cove
Sailors and Boaters use
special marine band radios for
communication on the water. Channel 16 is
designated as the emergency frequency
and should only be used for true emergency
calls. The following is a call I heard last
Saturday at Canyon Lake, Texas.
A: "John, Are to you coming to the party
cove?"
B: "Yes, I'll be there in a little while."
A: "Good. We've only got two beers left."
Clearly a case of leaving the marina
without taking enough liquids to stay
hydrated.
 (See Mar 7, 2010, also)

Apr 11, 2010 There's Something a Little
Off About This Book Title.
The Advanced
Placement (AP) Exams start on May 3rd.
These are the exams high school students
can take to receive college credit.  Usually it
is only the best and brightest students that
even attempt AP high school courses, so I
was a little surprised and humored by this
title,
AP English Language and
Composition for Dummies
.

Apr 10, 2010  How I Got My First
Teaching Job
 My parents had moved to
Bracketville, TX  to retire. My mom found an
advertisement for a 5th grade teaching
vacancy in the area. I went to interview. The
principal gave me an application and said to
go to the nurse's office to complete it. Now,
the only school nurses' offices I'd ever seen
were adjacent to principals' offices, so I sat
down in the outer office to complete
application. While there, I overheard the
principal call the high school principal,
"Baten, I'm going to send you that crazy 5th
grade teacher of mine. Put her in the library
and let the high school kids run her off." A
few days later the elementary principal
called me to say he had a 5th grade
opening and the job was mine if I wanted it.

Has hiring in small town schools changed
since 1978?

Apr 9, 2010 Yes, I Work in a Mental Ward
Last year, I found the style of black shoes
I've worn for many years was no longer
giving me good ankle support. After trying
various styles, I settled on white high top
Reeboks. One day I happened to wear my
white shoes, white dockers, and a white shirt
with my school photo ID badge. At the
doctor's office, the nurse glanced at me and
asked, "Do you work in a mental ward?"  
Well, if you know me, then you know I can't
pass up a straight line like that. I said, Yes, I
do." She then asked, "Where?" My response
was, "%%%%% High School."  

Apr 8, 2010 Students Going Barefoot for
a Good Cause
 After school today, there
was to be a barefoot walk around the
neighborhood to bring awareness that many
children in the third world have no shoes.
Some of our students misunderstood the
event and showed up to school this morning
without shoes.
The Vice Principal was kind
enough to re-educate them and re-shod
them.

Apr 7, 2010 If You Are Going to Copy
Answers, Please Copy the Correct
Answers
 My students are preparing for the
AP Exam in Computer Science. I've been
giving the students previous years' Free
Response questions. I was not aware until
today that the College Board has sample
answers for the previous questions on its
website.  As I viewed the sample student
answers, I recognised some of the examples
of wrong answers from what some of my
students had written and submitted to me.
Apparently the kids had found the website
and the sample answers, but had not read
enough to note that some of the examples
are what
NOT TO DO.

Apr 6, 2010 Beginning of the School
Year Verses End of the School Year

Beginning of Year:
Teachers are told, "Be
creative! Get out of the book. Create your
own materials. Drill on TAKS with practice
sheets and handouts.
End of Year: We're out of paper. No more
money in the budget for paper. Use the
book more!
One problem - No course I
teach, has a book.

Apr 5, 2010 Sailing Definition "Survival
Sailing"
The fine art and skill of sailing in
conditions in which you are a fool for having
gone out sailing in poor weather conditions
in which your boat is poorly suited for,
usually caused by failing to check the
weather forecast, failing to heed the weather
forecast, or failing to watch weather changes
while you were out on the water.

Apr 4, 2010  Clothing Have Needs, too,
Ya Know
This morning, my shirt insisted on
having some hand lotion. Then, at lunch, it
insisted on having hot melted butter from the
bread at Doc's on  the Inter Coastal
Waterway. By the time we left the restaurant,
my shirt had thoroughly satisfied its food
desire.  After lunch, I felt the need to let it
take a nap in then back of car, while a new
shirt took over.
Remember, clothing have
needs, too.

Apr 3, 2010 That's What She Said  Middle
School and High School boys have a
language game they play.  The game is
played by someone making a statement that
is perfectly innocent and another boy follows
up with, "That's what she said," to turn the
statement into something suggestive.  April
first being April Fools Day brought lots of
joking comments in my classes. In one
particular class, the phrase "Is that a joke?"
was frequently heard.  It took all my self-
restraint to keep from saying, "That's what
she said."

Apr 2, 2010 US Navy frigate attacked by
Somali pirates
No additional comment.

Apr 1, 2010 Man Over Board Drill A
procedure unique to South Texas normally
held in mid to late August in which all
members of the crew and captain jump into
the water to cool off because there is no
breeze. This drill often gets more active
when it is discovered no one let down the
swim ladder in their haste to get out of the
stifling heat.
Real Meaning: A drill in which
the crew of a boat practice pulling up to
someone in the water.

March 2010 Random Humor page link

February 2010 Random Humor page link

Copyright 2010 Randle B. Moore
All rights reserved
This beer holder probably won't work very well in the Canyon
Lake area. April 27, 2010